My Seven Stages of Infatuation

So, I've been on my own for quite a while, and I recently realized, that to cope with that, my mind has found a funny way to keep the juices flowing and the mind at work.

Inspired by Autostraddle's "The Seven Stages of Carol", here I present you, with my Seven Stages of Infatuation. Have you recently met a girl that you liked? Does this thing I wrote work for you too? Aren't you a dork!


1. Leveling Up
Throughout meeting your new crush, you are unknowingly on an ascent. Perhaps you've felt a slight rocking of the platform, when she laughed at one of your jokes, or at her body language, when she crossed her legs while listening to you tell a story. But it's not until the meeting ends, that you realize how high you climbed. This place, you’ve been here before. It’s spacious and beautiful. Why do you feel so small? The ocean’s like that too, you remember. For now, you’d like to live in this place.

2. Implosion
Also known as "spiraling", this is the emotional comedown. Like drugs, your serotonin levels have been depleted and possibly, you're dehydrated. You've witnessed for yet, another time, in your life, your heart screaming as if she was the first - your heart HAS screamed until it got short of breath, and girl... you are reeeeeeling. Implosion often presents the first time you're confronted with an everyday reality. Maybe, on your way home, after meeting up with her, an image of hers that's louder than any other thought, comes on and breaks your train of thought so abruptly that you scream "OH MY GOD" or maybe, the next day, you're trying to pay a bill and you forget your purse at the counter because you were reminded of the way she smiles. Either way, take heed.

3. Enabling
This is where you feed your emotional captor as a means of survival. Oh, you should watch what she posted on Facebook (JUMP CUT: Three hours later you've exhausted her news feed from the last two months). Remember what she said about her favorite film? Haha, you have to watch this, or you're going to have nothing to say the next time you meet! Should you read that novel she mentioned? Eesh, here are some weird facts about the author on Wikipedia. What's up with her best friend? Show me your friend, and I'll tell you, who YOU are, right? Why doesn't she have a Twitter account? That's ok, what if you could follow her on Tumblr? This photo of hers from last year looks like she asks you to take her home with her. That song she just posted is SO good. Let's listen to it on repeat for about half an hour.

4. Outreach
Soon enough, your engagement with your potential belle becomes too isolated and finding an outlet for your thoughts about her is necessary. Whether it's sending her photo to your best friend to ask for her opinion, or sharing a previous FB chat of yours, with your gay pal, to ask him if he thinks you stand a chance, you'll need to unpack. You'll ask them the questions you've been asking yourself, like, does she sound interested enough? Isn't that comment she made about dildos, like she tried to make a pass at you? Or, do they think you and her are in the same headspace? They probably can't tell, anyway. Sorry!

5. Speculation
Left again to your own devices, you'll have to come up with new ways to indulge. Obviously, the "everybody's gay" game is great for this. Sure, you don't know if she's gay or not, but, like, what if she is? The closest you've ever come to looking at a girl like this, is when one of your co-workers brought in doughnuts for everybody. So sweet. You are completely distracted. Also, this girl has three friends on Facebook that are in the circuit and definitely sleep with women. No way that could be a coincidence!

6. Vizualization
With the passing of time, comes some clarity. You're able to distance yourself from the scrambled intensity you felt since you first saw her, and can now think of her as a concept that you can incorporate into your life. How she is both casual and wild reckless in her proposition to go take a swim together, or how direct and vulnerable she is when she talks about her depressed father. These ideas seem as decadent as someone suggesting you married each other at Las Vegas at a random chapel, but what if the rings looked good on you, too?

7. Anticipation
All of the stages above, are distraction, that you've created for yourself, until you can see her again, which you plan to do tomorrow, as soon as she calls you to set a time to catch up and have that cup of coffee.

Αληθινή ζωή

Η αληθινή ζωή με τρομάζει-
απαιτεί όλον μου τον εαυτό.
Χρόνια βλέπω το ίδιο όνειρο-
εφιάλτης με σπασμένα τα φρένα,
οδηγός δίχως δίπλωμα.

Η πραγματική ζωή με πονάει-
μου θυμίζει ότι το σώμα μου
είναι γεμάτο πληγές.
Η ψυχή μου βλέπεις κάηκε
σε πολλά σημεία
και τώρα φοβάται τον ήλιο.

Χρόνια είχα να γράψω ένα ποίημα.
Έλα να γλύψουμε τις πληγές μας
Κι έτσι όπως θ' αγγίζουμε
η μια την άλλη μες το σκοτάδι
θα βρούμε τον δρόμο να βγούμε στο φως.

ΚΑΛΑ ΧΡΙΣΤΟΥΓΕΝΝΑ

Η ανθρωπότητα έχει πρόβλημα με την αλήθεια. Η αλήθεια είναι και άναρχη, και αναρχική. Η αλήθεια δεν έχει κανόνες - είναι ο κανόνας. Η αλήθεια είναι η αγάπη. Η ανθρωπότητα βολεύεται όμορφα και προσωρινά πίσω από μύθους, που απλοποιούν τα πάντα, και δίνουν νόημα στη δυστυχία της. Η δυστυχία του να ζεις, και να ξέρεις ότι θα αρρωστήσεις, ότι θα γεράσεις, ότι θα πεθάνεις - πως ό,τι κι αν κάνεις, όσο κι αν προσπαθήσεις, δεν θα τον αποφύγεις τον πόνο. Για να αποφύγει τον φυσικό νόμο, η ανθρωπότητα εφηύρε μια σειρά από άλλους, τους νόμους του πολιτισμού. Έτσι, όταν κάποιος αρρωσταίνει, τον αναλαμβάνει ο γιατρός. Όταν κάποιος γεράσει, τον αναλαμβάνει το γηροκομείο. Όταν κάποιος πεθάνει, τον αναλαμβάνει το γραφείο κηδειών. Κι έτσι, μένουμε άοπλοι μπροστά στον πόνο, μεταθέτοντας τον χειρισμό του σε άλλους, πιο κατάλληλους, πιο επαγγελματίες, πιο ειδικούς από μας. Και μ' αυτόν τον τρόπο ξεχνάμε πως να δίνουμε αγάπη. Κλεισμένοι στα μικρά μας σύμπαντα, ο καθένας. Κι έτσι, όταν η αλήθεια μας χτυπά κατά πρόσωπο, δεν μας αρέσει. Δεν μας αρέσει να βλέπουμε την αγάπη, γιατί μας μάθανε ότι "μόνο τα καλά παιδιά αξίζουν αγάπη". Όμως αγάπη χρειάζονται όλοι, τελικά. Ακόμη κι αν δεν συμμορφώνονται με τους κανόνες. Ακριβώς, ίσως, επειδή δεν συμμορφώνονται με τους κανόνες. Αυτό το ήξερε ο Χριστός, που έκανε παρέα με τις ιερόδουλες. Αλλά κάποιοι φερόμενοι Χριστιανοί (που στην ουσία δεν είναι, Χριστιανοί, απλώς είναι κεκαλυμμένοι ηθικολόγοι της πλάκας) δεν πρόκειται να το καταλάβουν ποτέ. Καλά Χριστούγεννα.

Salander returns: "The girl in the spider's web" book review

It feels weird, at the beginning, to read a book about Salander, written by another writer. I went through the first pages of "The Girl In the Spider's Web" with an eery sense of loss. The differences are quite obvious: Lagercrantz's style is completely devoid of Larsson's quirks, which made his writing so personal - even though flawed. It's no secret, Larsson was no literary giant. In this book by Lagercrantz we are rarely told what kind of sandwiches our protagonists eat, for example, or how much coffee they drink, which was a silly habit Larsson had - yet now, when not there, it seems endearing. Lagercrantz is different. He is relentless. He is pummelling on the story hard and pretty soon you hop along for the ride and carry on.

Still, there are things you miss. Larsson understood women really well, for example. Lagercrantz... not so much. Lagercrantz's portrait of Salander is consistent with Larsson's, of course. He even goes as far as inventing Camilla's backstory (Salander's sister),  which is a very smart move on his part. Camilla appears to be Salander's nemesis, a move that gives ground for new stories to unravel and (it could be) enough material for quite a few next books, it seems.

But what Lagercrantz's Salander lacks, is internal conflict. Larsson's portrait of Salander was so compelling, because Larsson's intuitive writing painted Salander from inside out. He was writing as if he was in Lisbeth's head. Lagercrantz, on the other hand, has written Salander from outside, in. Our insight of what triggers her, comes from her actions, or from other people's accounts or her actions. We do not spend a lot of time inside Lisbeth's head at all. Which is a pitty.

You see, writers like Lagercrantz are great at building plot and conflict, yet they do not handle emotions very well. Lisbeth in Larsson's hands felt real. As tough as she appeared to be, Larsson did not forget that Lisbeth was above all else, a person with a huge internal struggle and emotional conflict. Lagercrantz's Lisbeth is more dry, more determined, and she does not question herself at all.

All in all, Lagercrantz's is a decent effort to keep Lisbeth Salander's legacy alive. I certainly felt I needed to follow her story, as I went through Lagercrantz's book. And I would read a next novel by the same writer, handling the same heroine. But not with great enthusiasm. I just hope that next time he won't be afraid to give us a better glimpse inside Lisbeth's head.

Rating: 3 out of 5 stars